These last few weeks I have been in a sort of hibernation. Hanging out with friends, family, loved ones. Paying little attention to the outside world. Living in each moment. Not even capturing those moments with my camera. It has been a much needed break after several tough months, and a year that flew by at the speed of light, a whirlwind of activity and emotions.
Back in September, when I turned 28, I wrote about what I had learnt and how I had developed over the last year. I made resolutions and looked forward. However, there is something about January, about it being 2014 and no longer 2013, that gives me the urge to look in to the future again and think about what I want from the year ahead. I am loathed to use the word resolutions, to me, resolutions are the fun things I want to do, this time my thoughts are more focused on how I want to feel in the year ahead.
Over the last few years I have struggled with demons. I have felt huge regret and disliked myself, feelings that did not reflect the reality of my life, but still seeped in to every aspect of it. For a long time I let these unnecessary feelings undermine my sense of self, ruin my sense of wellbeing and take over my life. Nothing messes with your head more than when what you are feeling doesn't add up with reality.
2013 was the year that things started to change, that I started to work things out and my demons started to shrink. My feelings started to reflect my life, bridges were built and life was repaired, the challenges became smaller and more easily overcome. I stopped coping and started living. To me, while not perfect, 2013 was as close to perfect as I could hope for.
Making this change was not easy,  it has taken a tremendous amount of hard work, reflection, and difficult conversations. And it without an immense amount of love, support and understanding, it would never have happened. It is hard to articulate how grateful I am, and how blessed I feel. I have learnt so much about who I am and what I am capable of. I honestly believe that I was meant to go through these challenges so that I could come out the other side feeling the way that I do, full of gratitude.
I want to continue to develop, to understand more about what I am capable of, to become more resultant, to actively reflect, remember and give thanks through 2014. I want to live consciously and be purposeful with my actions, I want to get everything I can out of life and never live with regret (however unnecessary) again. Meditating on these desires one word keeps coming to mind, intention...I want to live my life in 2014 with intention.